Celebrate Uniqueness

     I was thinking about uniqueness today, that being the topic of this blog. I was thinking about how we as a society are becoming more accepting of diversity in a lot of ways, but we still have a long way to go. I was thinking about how even at the place that I work, diversity is becoming more acceptable. I remember when I started working there, the dress code was pretty strict: no unnatural hair colors, no facial piercings, and no strange haircuts. Now there's a whole clause devoted to accepting gender diversity, hair colors and styles can be whatever as long as they do not impede the flow of business,and facial piercings are acceptable as long as they are not disturbing, offensive, or vulgar. Tattoos were always accepted in our dress code (at least as far back as I've been there), as long as they are not vulgar, offensive, or obscene. Knowing that a big company, like the one I work for, is making it easier to be the unique human being that you are, makes me feel a little better about the world in general.

     Then I get on the internet or talk to people who do not see things the way that I do, and I see and hear things about fat shaming, thin shaming, geek shaming, slut shaming,prude shaming, poor shaming, etc., and my eye starts twitching, literally. We spend so much time tearing people down, so that we can feel better about ourselves, or just because we really don't like other people and refuse to take the time to know them or understand them.

 

     I guess I was a weird kid. I always liked myself. I liked the way I looked. I liked my body and my mind. There was very little about myself that I didn't like. I even liked (and still like) my feet. If people asked me what one thing I would change about myself, I would come up with something because people don't usually want to hear that there is nothing you wouldn't change about yourself. It hurts them and makes them angry because there are so many things they want to change about themselves. There were many times in high school that I was called a freak, and I would thank the person because I truly saw that as a compliment. The person would inevitably get irritated with me because to them being a "freak" was something to be ashamed of. I liked being unusual, different, a freak. I liked dressing in a way that expressed who I was at that moment, be it Goth, trendy, poetic, emo, or just simply country girl. There were days when I wore flannel and days when I wore silk. There were days when my makeup was dramatic and vampiric, days when it was light and subtle, and days when I didn't wear any at all. I refused to be pinned down and labeled like some butterfly under glass, but I was never aggressive about it. It wasn't a conscious choice to confuse the world. It was just me being me. I'm the only person I know how to be.

     Even now, being overweight, I'm still pretty happy with myself. I just want to be the healthiest me I can be, and I've made huge steps toward that goal by eating a Paleo diet. But I still get discouraged. I'm not perfect. I never was, but I look in the mirror, and I don't always see myself. It doesn't help that the company I work for has basically what works out to be a uniform, so most of my clothes are very bland and basic and the same. It makes me feel like a cartoon character. Add to that the fact that I don't spend a lot of money on clothes because I'd rather spend it on the best food I can afford, and I don't have a lot of variety in my wardrobe.

     I'm not trying to say that clothes are the only means of expression that I have, but clothes are our outward manifestation of our personality, a way of expressing what we feel inside, and I've always loved wearing clothes that make me feel good, clothes that accentuate my inner self. I felt like anyone who knew me would know this to be true. That's why it came as a big shock when people started buying me clothes after I became a mom, and they were clothes that just did NOT say, "Debra would totally wear this!" For one thing, they were pink. I've actively hated the color pink since I was about eight-years-old, and everyone who bought me clothes after Lydia was born kept buying me pink clothes. PINK MOM CLOTHES! It was like receiving an identity crisis as a maternity gift.

     Sadly, I did have an identity crisis after I became a mom. I didn't recognize my body anymore. Everyone treated me differently. I kept getting mom clothes. And I just felt lost. I just gave up. I wasn't eating well. I wasn't taking care of me, and I didn't feel like anyone cared about me anymore because everyone cared more about the baby. I was no longer me, and I gained a lot of weight. I was in a downward spiral. I was depressed, and I didn't feel like I had a lot of support, especially when it came to the choices I was making with my motherhood. I was expected to conform to the image of motherhood that everyone around me had, and I was not consulted. I allowed those around me to define me because I'd never given enough thought to my identity as a mom, and I was too tired to stand up for myself. I'd given a lot of thought to how I wanted to be a mom and raise my kids, but I'd never thought about who I'd be as a mom.

     It turns out that I was still me, just me with kids. It's been a long learning process. I blame a lot of my problems on just being in bad health, eating really crappy food, and being beyond exhausted. Conformity has never really been my cup of tea, so why do people conform? Check this video out:

     What is the price of this conformity? Well, in the real world, the price can be really high, literally. How much do we spend on cosmetics, diet products, gym memberships, surgery, clothing, and other items to make us look like the beautiful people in the magazines? How much do we deny ourselves in order to fit in? Can conformity kill us?

     Can conformity make us evil? Can it make us more susceptible to abuse? Can conformity blind us to the behavior of others, the abusiveness or suffering of those around us? (Warming: This video includes atrocities and bad language. These images can be quite disturbing.)

          Instead of going with the crowd, instead of living as one of the masses, why not live your truth? How much would it cost you? Look in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and say, "I love you." Is it hard? Do you believe yourself? Say it like you mean it. You might just break down and cry, but keep saying it until you mean it. Be the best you that you can be. Live your best life. How do you live your best life and celebrate your uniqueness?

     Realize your full potential. You have skills. Unless you have brain trauma to certain areas of the brain, you are capable of learning new things. Learning new things keeps you young. Use your skills. Don't let them atrophy. Learn new things. Combine them until you are able to realize your full potential. I've always wanted to be a writer. Many people have always enjoyed reading what I wrote. I learned how to use a computer, use the internet, use different software, and now I'm writing blogs and working on e-books, and I've never been happier. Look at your dreams. Are they really that unreachable? Take another look.

     Find your purpose. Keep an open mind. The answer to living your dream might be staring you right in the face. It might come from an unexpected source. When I was working at the job that I just recently left, I was beginning to feel terrible. I was stressed beyond belief. My eye was constantly twitching. I was yelling at the people I loved. I would get nauseous and panicky as the time to leave for work got closer. I was living half a life. I was not fully me. I was so tired that when I got home, I couldn't write. I could only doze as I waited for Ray to finish dinner, eat, and then doze or stare blankly at the TV while I waited for bedtime. During my vacation from that job, I started to see that I was not living my purpose. I was just barely living. And I knew it was time to get out of there. I got a less stressful job, and now I am able to write more.

         Understand your limitations, but don't allow them to rule your life. I am still working a full time job, so I still have a lot of constraints on my time, but since Ray is at home, he has more time, and he understands how to put an e-book together, so when I get through writing my books, he can get them formatted and uploaded for me. I know that I don't have the time to do all that needs to be done to live my dream, but I can get help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of acknowledgement that your are not a super human and you need help. We all need help. The important thing is to ask nicely and give gratitude to those who help you.

     Be mindful. Be mindful of yourself, of your surroundings, of those who help you, and of your dreams. Mindfulness can sometimes be hard to capture. We have so many distractions, but practicing yoga, meditating, pursuing your dreams, and taking a quiet hour before bed to sit and relax with some ambient music or sounds and candlelight can really slow time down just enough to help you achieve a more mindful state.

     Have sex. That is, as long as you are of age, with yourself or someone who is willing and able, and staying safe. Sex makes us feel good, if done right. It keeps us young and happy. The ability to have sex and have good sex can clue us in to our physical and mental health. It can be an indicator of hearth health because of the flow of blood that is necessary for arousal to occur. It can clue us in to our stress level and so much more. If you're not interested (and you're not ACE), it could be because you're too stressed or tired. Sex can reduce stress. Cuddling, looking deeply into the eyes of someone you love, and orgasm can increase oxytocin in your blood. Oxytocin is being studied extensively, but it is thought to decrease stress and increase bonding.

     Be active. Eat right. Rest more. This can be one of the hardest things to accomplish when you come home from work exhausted and stressed, but living a healthy lifestyle is so very important to your state of mind and state of being. If you know anything about me, you're going to know that I promote a Paleo diet as the best and most human way to eat and get, be, and stay healthy, and as someone who promotes the Paleo diet, I also subscribe to the Paleo lifestyle. What does that entail? It includes getting good and proper rest and sleep, eating the way our ancestors did before the agricultural revolution, and being and staying active. These are concepts that are very near and dear to me, and I could wax lyrical for many paragraphs, but this is already a very long blog post, so I want to leave you with the beautiful words and wonderful advise of Dr. Maya Angelou: